I haven't posted for years because I stumbled in my self-confidence journey. I became pregnant with my third child and between illness and a lack of conviction in myself, I lost it. It happens. Everyone goes through ups and downs and I may have tackled a lot of body image issues but, I never really faced my fear of rejection. The feeling of being judged or looked down on has always been a crippling blow for me. I didn't need to be liked by everyone. I just didn't want to be disliked. Yes. There is a difference.
The idea that people might be getting the wrong idea about my blog siezed me up pretty hard. I came on here to share my creativity, connect with other people, and promote body positivity. But, I was getting the impression that people in my personal life were starting to judge my actions, to see me as showy and shallow, and I suddenly couldn't continue.
It has taken me all this time to realize that if I always edit myself for others, I become a person that even bores me. Frankly, I am both too quiet and too loud, I'm awkward, and I am deeply preoccupied with beauty. I'm passionate about girls loving themselves for all the great things that they are instead of hating themselves for the things society and the beauty industry tells them is wrong. If dressing up and taking pictures of myself, an activity I find creative, positive, and fun, helps change the constant barrage of "ideal beauty" images then I'm happy. I'm happy even if other people don't get it.
Not everyone is going to like the person you are and it doesn't have to be personal. I don't like reality shows and court room dramas. It's not personal. It's just my taste. We have taste in people too and I accept I am not everyone's taste in person.
That doesn't stop me from liking myself and it isn't going to stop me from from doing things I want to do anymore. I don't want to hold myself back for fear of not being enough for other people. Caution has been chucked into the wind and is speeding away on a steady breeze because this is me and I am good enough.