Saturday, September 26, 2015

Armor


Well, I had the worst week ever. At the beginning of the week my baby brother shipped off to the military and part of me is so proud of him for going out and doing this really big, scary thing that he's dreamed of his whole life. But, the part of me that wants my whole family to live in a big, white farmhouse so we never have to be apart is breaking a little. This is my second sibling to move out of state in two years. Why do they keep leaving us?



At the end of the week my two week old phone was swiped right out of my stroller while I was just a foot away. The piece of crap individual that did the swiping walked passed my friend and I and moments later she was handing my phone to some guy. They all sat and snickered at us until we realized what happened. At that point they confidently walked away with my phone and all the bits and pieces of my life that had collected on it in the short time it was mine. The outfit pictures that I had taken and edited and could no longer post. Pictures of my son's fourth birthday. Conversations between me and my loved ones. All in the hands of the kind of people that can look someone right in the eye and intentionally cause them harm.




I have had this sickening feeling of violation ever since it happened. I have spent some time forcing myself to open up and be vulnerable to others. I smile as I pass people. I say what's on my mind instead of constantly questioning if it's right. I go places by myself instead of only leaving the house with others. It has been wonderful and freeing. Yet, this happened too. My trust in others was taken advantage of I want to snap shut against the world.



But if I did, I would be going back to missing so much and that was a terrible way to live. So, maybe for now I'll just stomp around in boots, glare at people from under a hood, and armor myself in my best, "don't mess with me" face. It's not the vulnerability I promised but, it's keeping me out in the world even when I want to hide in my bed.


Jacket: Target | Crop Top: Asos | Skirt: Old Navy | Boots: Modcloth similar | Purse: Modcloth similar
 | Lips: Bed Head Lip Liner similar Lipstick M.A.C. Viva Glam II


2 comments:

  1. love the outfit!
    I like your blog, so I followed you :)

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    1. Thank you so much! I'm glad to have you here!

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