Friday, February 22, 2013

The Amazing Tale of Husband and Noelle to Go the Optometrist!

I really wanted to call this post Reading Rainbow after this amazing shirt but, it didn't fit with the story.

What time is it? It's bloggin' time! What time is it? It's bloggin' time! What time is it? It's bloggin' time!

My sister got me this skirt for Chritmas and my mom got me the Shirt and I can't believe how perfect they are together!

This is the amazing tale of Husband and Noelle go to the Optometrist!

I finally got Husband to agree to go to the optometrist on Monday and we both got eye exams and new glasses. He was really nervous about the whole thing and I was trying to ease his fears by telling him what it was going to be like. So, the following is my little monologue to him. 

These pictures were taken quite a while ago. We now have like two feet of snow on the ground.

" They are probably going to dilate your eyes and they will be sensitive for a while. Then they will sit you in a chair and pull this huge machine in front of your face and show you images. This part is always the hardest for me because the doctor is always like, "Which image is clearer? A or B? A or B?" And in my head I am thinking, Oh god, they look exactly the same. If I don't pick the right one I am going to fail and my prescription is going to be off. Oh god! Ok, I think it's A. No, B! Definitely B. Wait...maybe it's A. Just say one before he thinks you're crazy! 

Then after hemming and hawing your way through the exam, you are taken into a room where you have to sit in front of another machine and try to not to flinch while it blows a puff of air into your eye. To sum it up, going to the eye doctor, for me, is like taking a mid term that I didn't study for and then letting the teacher poke me in eyes at the end"

He was not satisfied with my explanation.

When the day came, we packed the whole family into the car and made our way to our brand new optometrist. And let me just say, it was way too fancy y'all. The sign actually said, "Optimistic and Optical Boutique."  These people really didn't appreciate us marching in with two kids under three and trying to juggle exams and picking out glasses while the little ones terrorized the office. The "optician" (i.e. lady who follows you around while you look at glasses) made several rude comments and made us feel really uncomfortable. 

Miraculously got to the part where we could pick out our frames and my finickiness just about gave Ms. Optician an aneurysm. Honestly though, if I'm given two images and I can't decide which is clearer, how am I supposed to pick one pair of frames from a hundred different pairs? It's just too much to ask from me!

Then, Husband, with his freakishly jumbo-sized head* (I love your head, honey), couldn't find a pair that were big enough for him and Ms. Optician had to go into the backroom and pull out more glasses. Luckily, the biggest pair in the office actually fit him and they looked good on him. Success!

Even though we gave them a bunch of money, I know they were glad to us leave.

*I just want to point out that two of his children, complete with jumbo-sized heads, came out of my regular-sized lady bits. I don't think I get enough recognition for that.



  1. Really cute shirt. My brother is also, ahem, large headed (and large bodied, 350+) and he found the best luck at Walmart in the glasses dept. They have a new brand called Fatheadz (I think that's how it's spelled) that are made for wider (male) heads. Here's hoping they start a female line with a better-sounding name. Also, Walmart is much, much cheaper than my eye doctor for getting glasses/contact lenses. And I'd imagine, less likely to squig at children in the area.

    1. That's cool. I should mention that to Husband. Although, we just got optical insurance for the first time ever and I'm not really sure how it works going outside of the approved providers. I personally have had really bad experience with the optical department at Walmart so, I prefer not to go there myself. But, maybe Husband would like it!