Fevered Clothes Dreams

My mother-in-law is an antique dealer and her yard is a smorgasbord of old things that I just want to lean against and take pictures with. Old gas pump? Heck yeah. Rusty sink by a tree? Don't mind if I do. Lucky for us she was kind enough to watch our children while my husband and I indulged this urge. 

Also, I found a caterpillar. He wanted his outfit photographed too.

When did Old Navy get so cute? I can usually find a few good basics there but, I had a virtual cart that was full to bursting of adorable, on trend items that were still Old Navy prices. It was a dream. This dress is a dream. I'd wear it to bed and dream of it all night if I had no other excuse to wear it.

 My cardigan is from Eloquii and it was in the clearance section! Which was really lucky since Eloquii is usually out of my price range and the perfect brown boyfriend cardigan that is long but, not baggy and is lightweight but, doesn't lose it's shape is just not easy to find. I had one from SimplyBe but, we had to break up. It wasn't him. It was me. That's why I was so happy to run into this guy when I was out searching for boyfriend material.

So remember, even if you think your perfect boyfriend cardigan might be out of your league, there's a chance he could be slumming it in the clearance section and who knows. You just might have a movie worthy meet cute that involves your paypal and your mailman. Then a caterpiller will show up. Then you'll realize you're either in Wonderland or you're wearing dresses to bed again to induce fevered clothes dreams.

I think that went too far. I should go to bed for real now. Good night!

Cardigan: Eloquii similar | Dress: Old Navy | Belt Target similar | Shoes: Modcloth similar | Turban: Asos

Armor

Well, I had the worst week ever. At the beginning of the week my baby brother shipped off to the military and part of me is so proud of him for going out and doing this really big, scary thing that he's dreamed of his whole life. But, the part of me that wants my whole family to live in a big, white farmhouse so we never have to be apart is breaking a little. This is my second sibling to move out of state in two years. Why do they keep leaving us?

At the end of the week my two week old phone was swiped right out of my stroller while I was just a foot away. The piece of crap individual that did the swiping walked passed my friend and I and moments later she was handing my phone to some guy. They all sat and snickered at us until we realized what happened. At that point they confidently walked away with my phone and all the bits and pieces of my life that had collected on it in the short time it was mine. The outfit pictures that I had taken and edited and could no longer post. Pictures of my son's fourth birthday. Conversations between me and my loved ones. All in the hands of the kind of people that can look someone right in the eye and intentionally cause them harm.

I have had this sickening feeling of violation ever since it happened. I have spent some time forcing myself to open up and be vulnerable to others. I smile as I pass people. I say what's on my mind instead of constantly questioning if it's right. I go places by myself instead of only leaving the house with others. It has been wonderful and freeing. Yet, this happened too. My trust in others was taken advantage of I want to snap shut against the world.

But if I did, I would be going back to missing so much and that was a terrible way to live. So, maybe for now I'll just stomp around in boots, glare at people from under a hood, and armor myself in my best, "don't mess with me" face. It's not the vulnerability I promised but, it's keeping me out in the world even when I want to hide in my bed.

Jacket: Target | Crop Top: Asos | Skirt: Old Navy | Boots: Modcloth similar | Purse: Modcloth similar
 | Lips: Bed Head Lip Liner similar Lipstick M.A.C. Viva Glam II

Style Imitating Art Smells Like Teen Spirit This Week

“Painting Number 2” by Franz Kline

Rebooting my blog, starting fresh with a new name and attitude, does not mean I am giving up my favorite bi-weekly style challenge, Style Imitating Art. I continued following the challenge for the last two years and I am still in awe of the inspiration these bloggers take from the wonderful art that is chosen.

Lips: Jordana Rock 'N Rose Lip Liner and M.A.C. Viva Glam II

What I saw in this painting, which is massive by the way, was something dark and moody. The black lines are severe gashes across the mottled white which evoked a sense of brooding and angst. And if we are brooding and filled with angst we might as well be listening to some Nirvana. Am I right? Of course I used this week's SIA to channel my inner grunge teen because I am always trying to recapture the teen years I never had.

I used my houndstooth scarf to capture the stark black and white colors and the fringe and the draping to play into the organic brush strokes. I kept to a neutral palette and androgynous clothing; using the angular lines of the moto vest to mimic the lines in the painting. I felt pretty freaking cool.

Scarf: Old similar | Vest: Forever 21 similar | T-Shirt: Target | Jeans: Target | Boots: Modcloth similar

The Winds of Change

I haven't posted for years because I stumbled in my self-confidence journey. I became pregnant with my third child and between illness and a lack of conviction in myself, I lost it. It happens. Everyone goes through ups and downs and I may have tackled a lot of body image issues but, I never really faced my fear of rejection. The feeling of being judged or looked down on has always been a crippling blow for me. I didn't need to be liked by everyone. I just didn't want to be disliked. Yes. There is a difference.

The idea that people might be getting the wrong idea about my blog siezed me up pretty hard. I came on here to share my creativity, connect with other people, and promote body positivity. But, I was getting the impression that people in my personal life were starting to judge my actions, to see me as showy and shallow, and I suddenly couldn't continue.

It has taken me all this time to realize that if I always edit myself for others, I become a person that even bores me. Frankly, I am both too quiet and too loud, I'm awkward, and I am deeply preoccupied with beauty. I'm passionate about girls loving themselves for all the great things that they are instead of hating themselves for the things society and the beauty industry tells them is wrong. If dressing up and taking pictures of myself, an activity I find creative, positive, and fun, helps change the constant barrage of "ideal beauty" images then I'm happy. I'm happy even if other people don't get it.

Not everyone is going to like the person you are and it doesn't have to be personal. I don't like reality shows and court room dramas. It's not personal. It's just my taste. We have taste in people too and I accept I am not everyone's taste in person.

That doesn't stop me from liking myself and it isn't going to stop me from from doing things I want to do anymore. I don't want to hold myself back for fear of not being enough for other people. Caution has been chucked into the wind and is speeding away on a steady breeze because this is me and I am good enough.